Make that List

Castlegar News bi-weekly columnist with a humourous relational account

Karen Haviland

How’s that winter cold/flu going? The reason I ask is that I just happen to have the never-ending cold. Nothing lethal, as you know, but a real inconvenience, especially when in the store and I’m hacking my brains out. Talk about dirty looks from other shoppers. But, hey, I know how they feel as I’ve been annoyed by others in the same situation, coughing all over the produce.

It’s not often I get a cold, and I’m seriously not going to bore you with my cold for the rest of this column. I just needed a lead-in to what I really wanted to write about and that is sending men shopping. Yup, I can see you ladies nodding your heads as you’re reading this and I can also see the men cringing.

Despite lists and detailed verbal instructions, it seems that something either gets forgotten, or the wrong item is brought home. The poor lambs, they really do try, but sometimes?

Case in point; about two summers ago I was camping and could feel the early symptoms of a cold coming on. My husband just happened to be going up to the store and so I asked him if he could pick me up some vitamin C and some Echinacea in the hopes that a little preventative medicine would help avert a full blown cold.

Me: Honey, while you’re there could you please pick up some vitamin C.

Him: Sure. No problem. Vitamin B?

Me: No honey, vitamin C. If it helps you remember, think of it like this. I am trying to get a cold. Cold starts with C. Get it?

Him: Right. Vitamin C. Right?

Me: Yes dear, vitamin C (as I roll my eyes).

Me: Oh, and can you also pick up some Echinacea?

Him: Some WHAT?

Me: Echinacea, dear. Echinacea.

Him: Heckinacia?

Me: No, dear. Echinacea. E-C-H-I-N-A-C-E-A. Echinacea.

Him: Oh. OK. Could you say that once again for me so I don’t forget?

Me: (with gritted teeth) Echinacea.

Him: Right! Got it.

I should have known at that point that I should have made a list for him, but I was too busy sucking up the sun’s rays and enjoying my adult beverage. Next time I will listen to my inner self.

So, off he goes with his buddy to the store to get the required items.

I should have known that something happened at the store when he and his buddy got out of the truck and his buddy was laughing like crazy.

Well, I guess I kind of did, because my stomach did a curious little flip-flop. Those two men together are like Tweedledum and Tweedledee. If there is trouble they will find it, take my word on that.

Between bursts of laughter his buddy told me the story.

Evidently, my husband went into the store and asked the clerk for vitamin C, no problem there.

Then he told her, “My wife needs euthanasia.”

Evidently the clerk’s eyes almost popped out of her head.

“Pardon me? Your wife needs what?” she asked.

“Euthanasia. My wife is getting a cold and she needs euthanasia,” he replied.

“Oh! You mean Echinacea!” she replied.

In the meantime, his friend is gutting himself laughing and didn’t attempt to help him out at all. He wanted to see him hang himself. I guess he got his wish. Thanks Rick.

So, anyway, that’s my point. Next time you send your significant other to get a few items at the store, be sure to write him a list – in big letters too, if he wears “cheater” glasses. Otherwise, you never know what he might come home with.

Thank goodness, they were plum out of euthanasia that day.

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